“He ruined my life!” – She claimed. This is the story of every relationship that comes to an end in this generations. I started counselling people a decade ago, it is always been my area of interest to listen to people and try to help them in any small way I can. Over the time, I have started feeling people are now playing with emotions of others and it is likely that “Break up” is the new trend. It is ok, if you don’t want to continue being with someone but don’t blame them for your choices in life.

Most of them call me to inform that they “Ended it”, and when I ask them for a reason they say “HE.” What I don’t understand is that why is it that after few years you find faults in him. The same person who meant the world to you and made you feel perfect is now the reason for your falls? Is it not you who is responsible for your life? I would like to share my point of view to some of the Statements made by few of the girls as a reason.

1. He is not Settled.

[Cherry:] Dear Girls, you both are probably of the same age or one might be little older than the other. When you are still not settled, how can you expect him to have settled down before your marriage? It is not that you were not aware of his circumstances when you started liking him or dating him as you would say, yet you choose to take it forward any way why are you giving this lame reason of not being settled?

2. He doesn’t let me wear so and so clothes, he calls me fat if I wear some nice dresses. He doesn’t allow me to wear sleeveless, look at me I already dress like old lady.

[Cherry:] Oh, please! he is just being protective, you might be in a far of place where he can’t come to your rescue. Or, he might not be strong enough to address the crowd that might harass you, so he is just trying to protect you from the cruel world deal with it. He is calling you fat so that you don’t take your health for granted and he wants you to start working out before it’s too late to deal with it.

3. I will have to start supporting him, since his choice of career is of no help for our living.

[Cherry:] This is one dumb idea girls, you want equality in every other area, you want to live your dreams, you want to follow your wishes and make a choice of career that you always wanted to do. Likewise, does he also not have the right to choose what he wants to do? Is it always necessary for the guy to be the source of income and take the burden on him? Why is it wrong when he chose to chase his dreams, can you not make a living with your support till he achieves his goals?

4. He is too attached to his family.

[Cherry:] This is something that you are to be happy about because later you are added to his family. Like you love your parents, siblings and he too has a family that he loves. You enter his life doesn’t mean that he has to let go of them. When you expect him to treat your family right learn to treat his the same way. You get what you give.

5. My life seems stuck, I can’t grow if I am with him since he stops me. I have already lost a lot and don’t want to lose my life anymore.

[Cherry:] As the matter of fact, no one can stop you from doing what you want to do. You are responsible for the choices you make, whether it was to stop yourself from growing or the other way round. You wanted him so badly that you started changing yourself to fit into his life, where in the process you lost your originality and he started feeling you are not the same anymore. Stop changing yourself, they like you for the way you are. So, don’t try to be someone else for them to like you more.

6. I was like Social butterfly due to his possessiveness and need of attention I have stopped talking to people look what rug I have turned into.

[Cherry:] He never stopped you from being a social butterfly, you chose to let go of your friends & others because you made him your sun and started revolving around him. Sometimes, a little time away from him is good for a healthy relationship. He dint ask you to stop having your girls night out, it’s you who wanted to join him for his guys’ night out, sports night, and you made his friends as your friends. So don’t blame him.

7. My Parents won’t accept him, and he is not ready to convince them.

[Cherry:] He is done his part of making his parents agree, why does he have to take the burden of convincing your parents as well? Why are you expecting him to take all the responsibilities, when you want equality in your relationship, are you so not sure of your choices that you can’t get your parents to agree for it? It might be difficult to convince them because they are being protective over you, but then if you explain it in the right way they he is correct for you, they will obviously agree to it.

Dear Girls,

You might be feeling it is time to settle down since all your friends are getting married and having kids, well yes that is the choice they made. I understand that you are feeling that you are getting old, all I request you is don’t blame the guy for the choices you make, like you he also needs time to settle down in his life, follow his dreams, love his family and be protect his loved once. If you can’t be with him in his hard time trying to make a better life for you both, don’t give him false hope and let him go in the wrong way by blaming it all on him.

In a relationship, whatever happens both are equally responsible. So, stop this blame game and start being responsible.

Dear Guys,

This doesn’t mean you are always right, try to understand that she is going through a lot of peer-pressure, try to explain your situation while you understand hers rather than bringing an end to it. Our parents have survived their marriages, if they had to end it for all this reasons probably we wouldn’t have had a family.

On this note, thanks for your interest and reading it till the end. Comments / Discussions are welcome on the same.

Charitha

Here are the things you can tell just by looking at someone

• As for personality, you can generally trust your gut when guessing extraversion, self-esteem, and religiosity. If you have a spontaneously taken photo of them you can add inagreeableness, emotional stability, openness, likability, and loneliness. Your predictions are probably more accurate when evaluating good-looking people.

• Who is a good leader? The face will tell you. (True for women as well as men.) Or just look at the earlobes. Not sure which team has the better quarterback? Make your guess based on how handsome he is. You can probably tell whether a politician is a Democrat or Republican. Or even a non-politician. Or which politician is likely to win.

• We’re pretty good at telling who is a criminal. At an above chance level you’ll be able to tell which people are America’s Most Wanted and which are Nobel Peace Prize winners. If you think someone might be a psychopath, trust your gut. (And move quick, psychopaths are quite good at sizing you up too.) Tattoos will tell you who is most likely to commit more crime. Heck, your gut can be trusted to tell you if a neighborhood is unsafe. Still not sure if a man is dangerous? Ask a short guy. Is this useful in daily life? Yeah, because you’ll know who is more trustworthy or cooperative.

• Want to know if someone is good at their job? Watch them for six seconds and your guess is more likely to be right than wrong.Sometimes a glance can tell you how smart someone is. Orwhether they’re rich.

• Ladies, want to know if he’s attracted to you? It’s all in how long he looks at you. And guys might be able to look at you and tellhow much you orgasm, whether you are currently fertile or whether you’re a lesbian.