How to Love a Girl Who Doesn’t Know How to Be Loved.

  • Be Patient
  • Talk
  • Support Her
  • Don’t be Two halves of a Whole, Be two Whole that make an even greater Whole
1. BE PATIENT 
Don’t expect her to feel comfortable with diving headfirst into anything even slightly resembling romance. Keep in mind, it’s probably taken her a great deal of contemplation and courage to even consider spending her time with you. And if she does appear comfortable responding to your first moves, it’s quite possible that she’s actually terrified of what you’ll think of her if she asks to slow things down. So, she just musters the strength to submit herself to the moment, only to spend all night feeling horrible about her dishonesty and inability to step on the brakes. This will freak her out enough to make her sever whatever ties were made and withdraw immediately—something she’s not afraid to do.
To avoid that, let things unfold at a pace that feels natural, which might be slower than what’s considered “Normal.” Remember, she’s not used to this, and too much at once will surely send her over the edge. Showing sensitivity to her pace will let her know that she doesn’t have to fear being out of control, causing a miscommunication or feeling the pressure of time.
2. TALK
Because she spends so much of her time alone and in her head, this girl might be under the impression that her thoughts and opinions are a bit too intense for others. She rarely shares the things on her mind, as she fears that whatever’s in there is so deep and inquisitive that people will think it’s overdramatic, oddly philosophical or just plain weird. She values deep conversation, but feels that she can exercise this pleasure with relatively few people, if any at all.
So talk with her. Let her know that she can say what’s on her mind, and don’t be afraid of her ability to dissect every possible meaning of a theory she’s been hung up on for weeks. If she apologizes for rambling about it, tell her she doesn’t need to be sorry, she doesn’t need to suppress it. Make her feel that although she is certainly unique for having such thoughts, she isn’t crazy or abnormal.
Tell her it makes her all the more beautiful.
And then, give it right back to her. Be sure to engage in her contemplations just as much as you listen; she wants to hear your thoughts more than you realize.
3. SUPPORT HER
Part of this girl’s struggle with letting herself be loved could be that she is relentlessly focused on her dreams and goals, so much so that she forgets to make room in her life for other things—like relationships. It’s not something she does intentionally, she’s just extremely determined to achieve whatever she has set out to do.
If she is forced to make a choice between a love life and her goals, she’s already chosen the latter. So don’t make her choose.
And certainly don’t make her feel guilty for not spending more of her time with you as a result—she’ll take that as another sign that she needs to sever the ties, even if they’re stronger at this point.
Instead, support her. If you really love this girl and she really loves you, then she’ll welcome the encouragement. She’ll want to support you, too. Let her; with a heart as passionate as hers, you’ll want her on your team.
4. DON’T BE TWO HALVES OF A WHOLE, BE TWO WHOLES TO MAKE AN EVEN GREATER WHOLE
Remember that this “Miss Independent” is just that—an independent chick with an ability to fend for herself. She might even be afraid of relying on others, no matter how much she trusts them.
Therefore, don’t think of a relationship with her as one that joins two halves together to make a whole; she won’t treat it as such, and she definitely won’t feel comfortable if you do. Rather, see it as two wholes becoming an even greater whole—two individuals who love each other enough to respect the other’s independence and uniqueness.
This includes honoring her need for alone time. She realizes that you are a person with or without her and asks that you see her in the same way. Being able to spend time apart is important to her; she doesn’t want to rely on your presence, nor does she want you to rely on hers.
Don’t try to spend every hour of every day with her unless you want her to feel so bombarded that she tailspins into a mess of tears, word vomit and utter confusion, ending with her breaking it off and swearing to never interact with another human ever again.
But when you are together, be together. Completely. Let her know she is loved until she begins to understand what that feels like, and then keep doing it. If it’s right, she’ll come around. And because she’s loyal by nature, she’ll stick around, too (so don’t give her any reason to think that you won’t).
Truly, this girl has a lot of love to give, even if she’s a bit awkward in showing it at first. She just needs time—time to figure things out for herself, to better understand how this works.
Let her figure out that deep down, she just wants to love and be loved—just like everyone else.
If she happens to let you close enough to love her, take it seriously. It means she’s trying. It means she wants to love you. And remember that helping her learn how to be loved in return is the surest way to win her heart.

Contours Womens Day Run – First 5 K Run

It was my First attempt to run for a Cause or in a event after a decade. I used to run for causes when I was in School, our Table tennis Couch used to get us enrolled and ask us to run for such causes basically to keep us physically fit and back then we used to crib and curse her for making us run for such long distances. But after I stopped playing Table Tennis to concentrate on Studies, I took break from all my sport activities.

This was my first come back on the track, well to speak of the truth I dint get back on track because I was missing running; I hit the trails because I had a ligament tear in my ankle and was on bed rest for almost 8 months. Walking for 3 KMS became difficult, I put on 12 KGs during this rest period; this made it difficult for me to play other sports like Badminton and Table tennis. After making up my mind and trying to first cover 5KMS before challenging myself with 10K run for TCS I registered for this Run sponsored by the organisation I work for.

Only Work out or training I had before attempting this run was, walk daily for 2Kms or half an hour. On the day of the run, I was left astonished to see the crowd and enthusiasm in runners. It also left me surprised when I saw old Grandmom’s geared up to Run for a Cause. Running has a lot of lessons to teach, it was my first run and I completed my 5KMS at ease in 28 mins that felt just perfect.

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Zumba Dance Before Run

The first lesson I learnt from running is, it pushes us when we think its over. I knew my capacity was 3KMs with severe pain in my ankle and I used to take almost 40 mins to cover 3KMS, but it was during this run that I realized how much I could push myself in order to complete it. No, I dint set time limit; all I knew was I would just keep running. Yes, my leg hurt like crazy but the sweetness of receiving medal post run and the happiness of sweating like crazy was worth it all. I am sure my ailments ain’t going to stop me any more.

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Yes! I completed my first 5K Run

Cheers !! Happy Running!

 

 

Recreating Your Image

People tend to portrait a new image of their self when they are starting a new relationship / rather getting married / engaged.

 
This is something that caught my attention when I was going through my Friend list on Facebook account as well as when I was talking to people on this topic. This resulted in me having few doubts with regard to starting any relationship for that matter. My first doubt is “is it really necessary to change yourself / show yourself as someone else to the person who you are going to spend you whole life with?”
 
When I tried to ask them why or what made them change so drastically, Change in FB account (old accounts deactivated new accounts with selected friends only), change in clothing, Change in the figure of speech or should I say change in character itself? The only answer I got was “I am getting married I don’t want him/her to think that I am too forward” / “I just got into a relationship I don’t want him/her to know what my past was.” These are few examples, So does this mean that you are trying to be someone else, trying to hide your past and you aren’t proud of what you are? 
 
Okay! you might have got into a lot of mischief and might have been a badass but that is what has made you what you are today, hiding your past / what you are just shows that you are not happy with yourself, when you yourself are not happy how can anyone else be happy with you. With this artificial image how long can you survive / how long can you pretend to be what you are not? At one point of time the true self surfaces based on the situation or the circumstance you come across. My query to all – Does it really matter what a he/she has done in his/her past ? Can you not accept him/her the way he/she is? 
 
I have seen rough Girls (calling them Tomboy is against my will) change themselves for the sake of someone else. Ok, I am not ashamed to tell I made this mistake once. I can share what it felt like to change myself into something what I was not. And trust me it was smothering me so much that I was afraid where I would actually lose my originality. 
 
I was one of those people who were into more than one activity, people came to me with problems, they knew I had solution for any problem for that matter. The most friendliest person you would ever meet, Sports made me get high, riding bikes (Speed) gave me the kick, you see me draw / sketch it was the only time you would see my silent (it means I am making important decision) , was never found of girly acts, dint have Girl friends since they expected me to behave like them shop, dress, speak etc which was never my piece of cake.  You would find me pick fights with guys for anything and everything. Oh I so miss my college days, pity those who got hit on their backs  (Manoj I wonder how you bear’d me for 2 years, seriously I apologise!)
 
Last bench was reserved for us, we emptied the lunch boxes of many friends. Bindas was the tag I got, in fact Manoj can tell how I was , he knew me as a Girl who never behaved like the rest, it dint matter what who spoke about her. Guys thinking of proposing was a different story, first come dare to talk to me then think of the rest. It never mattered to me what I looked like or never did I feel that I have to look good or behave “Like a Girl” all that I knew was that I was right and controlling me was not your necessity. 
 
I have always been someone who embraces the change as and when it comes, It was then I met someone in my Degree, I would not blame that person for changing me. I would rather blame myself for not being stable enough to control myself. It was the time when all my friends took a different path and it was time to see / meet new bunch of people. That was went I met this person, that was when I for the first time let someone control my life, it was not a overnight change though. But by the time I realised I no more control my life it was late, I had given up all my activities including sports, forget riding bikes I forgot how to talk to people. Sometimes I wonder how could I spend 8 years of my life being someone else. But then what i learnt from it was the best lesson for life. 
 
Reinventing myself has been even more challenging and I still am taking small steps to gain back the years lost. Every one says you will need someone down the line whom you will have to depend on, but I think I want someone whom I can walk the road with than let them lead the path, i want a friend not a controller.  No matter how many times my parents remind me of my age and blackmail me to marry, no matter how many times my close friends try to convince me to marry since all are married and I am the only girl in the gang who still doesn’t have a BF as such, I would not like to spend my life with someone who is not willing to accept me with  my flaws, That doesn’t mean that I am full of flaws. Even the moon has its scars, yet it looks beautiful whenever you look at it. I would not want to give up what I love the most or what has structured me to be this way. I have seen two sides of me, and I like both of them. Today when someone meets me  for the first time, they think I am one of those who had been way too girly through out my life. No I am one of those rough girls, yes I do have a soft heart , I do use fingers to count that doesn’t mean that I can be played with. 
 
I do not regret the mistakes I made, instead I would be proud enough to share my experiences, rather than creating a new fake image, what I am trying to convey here is that stop trying to recreate yourself for someone else, rather show your true self if they like you they will stay if not they will go. Your value is not anything less then theirs, you will realise someday what happens when you are pretend. Relationship is not a course or a major you choose that you need to pass in the given period of time, it is something that you need to sail in for life time, so choose the right person no matter how long it takes. Marriage these days is become a barter system where hearts don’t matter, in fact that is also one reason why the divorce rates are increasing. Rather choose the best in the start than make a wrong choice and regret later. 
 
This is for all my friends  (Ladies & Gentlemen ) who are changing themselves just because they are getting hitched.
 
Be yourself Guys, on this note sighing out, take care:) 
 
 


You don’t have to take control of everything/ change everyone!

Every minute everyone is trying to take control of something, trying to make the best out of the situation etc. Is it really necessary for us to take control of everything and make a mess out of it when we are not able to manage it well? First of all why do you want to take control? Does it really matter to you so much that you want to take control of a Situation? My point here is what are you trying to prove by doing this?

It so happened that, when I was shopping I met a very old friend of mine and I was astonished to see her after almost 6/7 years. As usual we started with “Long time no see, whats up? ” and it finally went to the main family drama that she wanted to share. She was like “My life is hell, my mother in law is never satisfied with what ever I do, I am glad that you are having fun in your life.” I just sat down and tried to figure out what the problem was and all I could find was, theirs is a  love marriage and her husband is her puppet. She is expecting the same from her mother in law as well. The reason I am sharing this here is to just let you know that it is difficult for his mother also to cope with this change.  I am happy that he loves you so much, but do understand that she has been seeing him since his birth and she fears to lose him to you. Dear girls, weather it is love marriage or arranged you are getting a package of people to value not just him alone. Never try to take control in someone else’s house making it difficult for others to survive. You expect him to take care of your parents but does that not apply to you as well? I don’t mean that Guys are right either, Guys also need to understand that they need to balance both the families as one.

I have even seen few friends change for the sake of their BF’s / GF’s , is it that you are not happy being what you are ? or The other person is changing you to someone whom they want you to be like? or that you don’t love yourself? What I am trying to say is why are you not the way you are? there will be someone who will accept you for what you are and for they way you are, don’t rush , only when you love yourself you can be happy. Try to do what makes you happy so that you don’t have regrets later. Since I am talking about taking control, let others be as they want, everyone is uniquely blessed. Every one has the capacity to think help them becoming a better person than changing them to what they cannot be, they will end up acting throughout their life and one day blame you for it all.

It doesn’t happen only in relationships, taking control is seen at work place as well. We see this every where yet we try to change someone’s life even if they don’t mean anything to us. That doesn’t mean that I can change someone who matter’s to me , I can just give suggestions to people by telling then what I feel is right or wrong, at the end, it is they who decides what they want to be.  I always feel that we need to find something good in a person before pointing out his mistakes, doing this only adds value to a person. By taking control I might actually lose a good person and remake them to someone else.

These are just my thoughts, or just what I believe in. Accept all the way they are, you will find the true meaning of their existence in your life.

Knowing Someone takes a while, so Please take your time!

After many attempts of blogging what’s on my mind, this is my first blog where I am actually blogging about my thoughts and what I have been thinking for a while. Well coming to why I choose this topic, it just because lately I have been given a chance to meet new people or asked to decide on a person’s personality / character just by seeing his/ her pictures. Must say I have still not been able to decide how can one know anything about someone by just seeing picture or meeting them for once.

In our day to day life we meet hundreds of people who are out there, there will be a stage in life where we call everyone we meet as our friends and as the life goes on that list keeps reducing and the one who has seen you through all the stages of your life is someone who is your actual friend.

Generally, it takes 2 years to know someone. So if you survive through these 2 years with someone then there are chances that they remain Friend throughout your life. I have heard friends cribbing about the mistakes they made trusting someone, who used them when needed.
Firstly my dear friends are you that lame to trust someone who shares their whole life history on the day they met you? Come on isn’t it obvious that they are just in need of sympathy and nothing else? Who the hell would show their weakness to you right on their first date? Secondly, there are hundreds of people who are fighting their problems on their own who told you to interfere in their business when you have no clue about their roots?

You really cant know someone by their looks or by their status on FB or chats on Messengers this is the fact accept it.

Few reasons:

  1. Pictures are taken on occasions and there are many things happening when a picture is shot. So if you think the person looks decent it might be because it carried his emotions that he was going through 6 minutes earlier.
  2. When chatting, as I said earlier, there are many things happening around them and there are so many emojis (emotional smileys) available that in fact confuses the brain to predict what someone means in their statements, so we assume that they might be sad / happy based one the Emoji’s
  3. Status on FB, Well if you think that someone is really putting up their status of what’s on their mind, then I must tell you are being fooled. People these days use FB as a source to seek attention; there are hundreds of people out there who are stupid enough to fall for the trap and text you immediately.

These were few of my observations on how people judge someone based on the social media. And now coming to presentation, not everyone who dresses up decently (for instance Girls – Salwar, boys – formals etc) are decent. I usually feel the dressing carries people away. What really matters is not what they ware but what they carry themselves as.

I just feel be yourself and don’t let others rule your brain. Everyone are capable of seeing through a person, decisions are in your hand and once decided don’t blame them. Trusting was your choice but keeping it or not was their choice. Don’t go by they way they look, nor by the way they treat you on the first meet, learn to know the other persons point of view and make sure you know enough to trust someone. To those few, who are psychic and can determine what someone is by just looking at them like me, when you know that someone is making a mistake, try to warn, if they don’t listen that’s ok. Stay Calm and let them make mistakes because only then will they know that they were wrong.

P.S: These are just completely my messed up thoughts if it was useful to you then great, if you think I am wrong or if you have any suggestions, feedbacks anything at all to discuss please comment below / Mail me on charitha27@gmail.com