People tend to portrait a new image of their self when they are starting a new relationship / rather getting married / engaged.
This is something that caught my attention when I was going through my Friend list on Facebook account as well as when I was talking to people on this topic. This resulted in me having few doubts with regard to starting any relationship for that matter. My first doubt is “is it really necessary to change yourself / show yourself as someone else to the person who you are going to spend you whole life with?”
When I tried to ask them why or what made them change so drastically, Change in FB account (old accounts deactivated new accounts with selected friends only), change in clothing, Change in the figure of speech or should I say change in character itself? The only answer I got was “I am getting married I don’t want him/her to think that I am too forward” / “I just got into a relationship I don’t want him/her to know what my past was.” These are few examples, So does this mean that you are trying to be someone else, trying to hide your past and you aren’t proud of what you are?
Okay! you might have got into a lot of mischief and might have been a badass but that is what has made you what you are today, hiding your past / what you are just shows that you are not happy with yourself, when you yourself are not happy how can anyone else be happy with you. With this artificial image how long can you survive / how long can you pretend to be what you are not? At one point of time the true self surfaces based on the situation or the circumstance you come across. My query to all – Does it really matter what a he/she has done in his/her past ? Can you not accept him/her the way he/she is?
I have seen rough Girls (calling them Tomboy is against my will) change themselves for the sake of someone else. Ok, I am not ashamed to tell I made this mistake once. I can share what it felt like to change myself into something what I was not. And trust me it was smothering me so much that I was afraid where I would actually lose my originality.
I was one of those people who were into more than one activity, people came to me with problems, they knew I had solution for any problem for that matter. The most friendliest person you would ever meet, Sports made me get high, riding bikes (Speed) gave me the kick, you see me draw / sketch it was the only time you would see my silent (it means I am making important decision) , was never found of girly acts, dint have Girl friends since they expected me to behave like them shop, dress, speak etc which was never my piece of cake. You would find me pick fights with guys for anything and everything. Oh I so miss my college days, pity those who got hit on their backs (Manoj I wonder how you bear’d me for 2 years, seriously I apologise!)
Last bench was reserved for us, we emptied the lunch boxes of many friends. Bindas was the tag I got, in fact Manoj can tell how I was , he knew me as a Girl who never behaved like the rest, it dint matter what who spoke about her. Guys thinking of proposing was a different story, first come dare to talk to me then think of the rest. It never mattered to me what I looked like or never did I feel that I have to look good or behave “Like a Girl” all that I knew was that I was right and controlling me was not your necessity.
I have always been someone who embraces the change as and when it comes, It was then I met someone in my Degree, I would not blame that person for changing me. I would rather blame myself for not being stable enough to control myself. It was the time when all my friends took a different path and it was time to see / meet new bunch of people. That was went I met this person, that was when I for the first time let someone control my life, it was not a overnight change though. But by the time I realised I no more control my life it was late, I had given up all my activities including sports, forget riding bikes I forgot how to talk to people. Sometimes I wonder how could I spend 8 years of my life being someone else. But then what i learnt from it was the best lesson for life.
Reinventing myself has been even more challenging and I still am taking small steps to gain back the years lost. Every one says you will need someone down the line whom you will have to depend on, but I think I want someone whom I can walk the road with than let them lead the path, i want a friend not a controller. No matter how many times my parents remind me of my age and blackmail me to marry, no matter how many times my close friends try to convince me to marry since all are married and I am the only girl in the gang who still doesn’t have a BF as such, I would not like to spend my life with someone who is not willing to accept me with my flaws, That doesn’t mean that I am full of flaws. Even the moon has its scars, yet it looks beautiful whenever you look at it. I would not want to give up what I love the most or what has structured me to be this way. I have seen two sides of me, and I like both of them. Today when someone meets me for the first time, they think I am one of those who had been way too girly through out my life. No I am one of those rough girls, yes I do have a soft heart , I do use fingers to count that doesn’t mean that I can be played with.
I do not regret the mistakes I made, instead I would be proud enough to share my experiences, rather than creating a new fake image, what I am trying to convey here is that stop trying to recreate yourself for someone else, rather show your true self if they like you they will stay if not they will go. Your value is not anything less then theirs, you will realise someday what happens when you are pretend. Relationship is not a course or a major you choose that you need to pass in the given period of time, it is something that you need to sail in for life time, so choose the right person no matter how long it takes. Marriage these days is become a barter system where hearts don’t matter, in fact that is also one reason why the divorce rates are increasing. Rather choose the best in the start than make a wrong choice and regret later.
This is for all my friends (Ladies & Gentlemen ) who are changing themselves just because they are getting hitched.
Be yourself Guys, on this note sighing out, take care:)
C. A. Stubborn Pen 